Monday, February 23, 2015

What Is This...Uhm...Stuff?

I am either the best wife ever or the worst mom ever. Not sure which, maybe both.

Queso is a food group in Texas and considered a perfect alternative to soup on a cold day. I normally make mine with cream cheese because I know what cream cheese is and can pronounce most of the ingredients. Now I am not necessarily a food snob, but I do appreciate fresh veggies, nice meat and real cheese. (I appreciate someone else doing the cooking even more.)

My spouse does not like my version of queso. He likes what I refer to as the glue version. I think you know that to which I refer.

Labeled as a pasteurized recipe cheese product and has a shelf life of infinity, it is known to melt quickly in the microwave into creamy yellow sauce without any needed additions. It also turns into glue within five minutes and contrete in ten. Clean-up can take hours.

I think it goes without saying that I do not purchase said product, so imagine my chagrin when I found a yellow box sitting on my pantry shelf. Yes, the spousal unit decided that, since I was going to the church youth super bowl party, he would indulge his craving.

Well, he forgot and the box has remained on my shelf, taunting me. Until today. A day known as sleet-magedon (or however you spell it). School is out so both spouse and Myrtle the Younger are lounging around. So after making the spouse breakfast in bed (he NEVER returns the favor!), I decided to eliminate the garbage from my pantry which primarily consisted of the yellow box of goo.

After making the queso, I watched as my spouse inhaled and my daughter laughed hysterically at speed of plasticization. Even the dog questioned the edibility of said product, although ultimately he will eat whatever Daddy eats.

I wonder who will clean up this...stuff. Anyone got a chisel?


Sunday, February 1, 2015

Another One for the Win Column

I am pleased to announce that my Sunday School class has yet again won Best Theme for this year's Crossfire Youth Annual Chili Cook-Off. I am not sure how many years we have won, but it be a bunch. I cannot say we are undefeated, but we are pretty darn close.

Although we have fabulous cooks in our class, each of which make a mean pot of chili, we do not go for the Best Chili. That being said, I do have to admit to being a bowl of red conoisseur and I side with the International Chili Society rules. Chili must have at least 1 pepper (other than black) and may consist of any variety of meat although the preferred versions are some flavor of beef. There are red varieties (Red Chili) and green varieties (Chili Verde). There are no white chilis (sorry to disappoint). Chili should also be not too watery (that's called soup in Texas) or too dry (that's called dip).

No beans or pasta or other such nonsense. It is acceptable to put your chili over beans or pasta, however THOU SHALT NOT MAKE CHILI WITH BEANS OR PASTA. (It's a rule. Trust me. I looked it up. See for yourself. Personally, I can tolerate a black or white bean, but kidney beans make me want to...well, let us just say I no likey.

Now with full disclosure, I have come up with an acceptable vegetarian version thanks to Myrtle the Younger. She became concerned the year that her sister, Myrtle the Elder, became a vegetarian and would have nothing to eat at the chili cook-off. I, being a good Texan, dutifully informed Myrtle the Younger that there was no such animal as vegetarian chili but she insisted that I could accomplish the impossible. So I masqueraded a spicy bean soup as vegetarian chili.

So what, you might ask, makes for a successful Best Themed Chili Cook-Off booth? Insanity, people. Much insanity, with an extra helping of details on the side. Our class motto is 'go big or go home' with plenty of room for 'what have we gotten ourselves into?'

This year's winning theme: FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Yes sirree, we had a mine shaft, mine car, and a dead canary. I would post a picture, but for some reason it no worky. So trust me, IT WAS AWESOME!!!

Now for some antacid.